When Affirmations Don’t Feel True (Even When You Know They Are)
We’ve all heard that affirmations can help shift our mindset. But what happens when you know an affirmation is true…and yet it doesn’t feel true?
As a cognitive behavioral therapist I’ve worked through this disconnect both with clients and in my own life. So today, I want to unpack what’s happening when your thoughts and feelings don’t line up, and how to bridge that gap.
The Disconnect Between Knowing and Believing
Here’s a personal example: Making videos for my YouTube channel often makes me feel self-conscious and uncomfortable. I imagine people judging what I say or how I look. Intellectually, I know that the purpose of this channel isn’t about me being polished or perfect, it’s about sharing helpful tools and insights that might serve someone else…
…but knowing that doesn’t make me feel less self-conscious.
That’s because knowing something isn’t the same as believing it. Belief lives deeper in the brain. It’s rooted in experience.
Why Your Brain Doesn’t Buy the Affirmation (Yet)
Our beliefs aren’t formed just by logic or repetition, they’re shaped by what we’ve experienced over time. So when you tell yourself an affirmation that contradicts a longstanding negative belief, it’s totally normal if it doesn’t land right away. That disconnect isn’t a failure. It’s just a sign that the affirmation is still theoretical.
If an affirmation is going to take hold, it needs to become experiential.
Let’s say your affirmation is something like:
“I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.”
You might know that’s true, but if your work environment has consistently rewarded you because of your perfectionism, your experiences may contradict the affirmation. It takes time, and new kinds of evidence for your brain to update the belief.
Turning Theory into Belief: Acting Comes Before Feeling
Repeating an affirmation you don’t believe can feel hollow because, without action behind it, it’s just words. So the question becomes:
How can I take one small action that helps me experience this affirmation in real life?
Let’s return to my YouTube example:
No matter how many times I tell myself “It’s not about me, it’s about serving others,” I still feel self-conscious. Why? Because I’ve never started a YouTube channel before! Even though I’ve taught in classrooms for years, I don’t feel any less vulnerable when I’m presenting myself in a new (and potentially very visible way).
The affirmation was still theoretical.
Despite the discomfort, I started recording and posting videos, even though it felt uncomfortable (cringey, even). I feel a bit less uncomfortable but not much if I’m being totally honest. I know it will take time, and so I’m getting comfortable being uncomfortable, and I'm building the experience I need for that affirmation to take root.
A Quick Recap
If you find yourself struggling to feel what you already know is true, here’s what to try:
Check if the affirmation is still theoretical.
If it hasn’t been lived or tested, your brain doesn’t fully buy it yet.Ask: What’s one small action I could take to gather data?
Try something that lets you experience what the affirmation is pointing to and use the experience to inform your thoughts and future actions.Remember: Action comes before belief.
Your nervous system won’t feel different right away, but it will catch up—with time, consistency, and evidence.
Final Thoughts
This disconnect between feelings and beliefs comes up in all sorts of places—not just affirmations. I talk about it more in my video on boundaries and guilt, especially how setting healthy boundaries doesn’t always feel good.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to stay in touch. Subscribe to Notes from Dr. Natasha—my weekly email where I share insights grounded in 20+ years of clinical experience to help you make decisions with clarity, communicate more effectively, and feel empowered in your own skin.